This is the story of my reflection on a night out with the guys regarding the characteristics, behaviour required of a gentleman.
For years I've tried to follow a narrow set of rules to guide my behaviour so that it is more gentleman-like. Quite basic manners - treat people (especially women) with respect, be patient and polite etc.
Last night I was out in a nightclub in Budapest when two somewhat-funny occurrences reminded of the importance of maintaining a gentleman's etiquette.
Obviously my intention (and in my head this made sense) was to communicate to the waiter can that he can take all the empty glasses away. Awkwardly-enough the waiter interpreted the gesture as a 'get away from my table and get out of here' because he asked my friend next to me in a worried voice, "Should I leave? I'm just trying to clean up the table..." This was unbelievably embarrassing but the waiter left before I could explain to him what had happened. I immediately explained to my friend (who knew this already) that I would never ever treat another human being like that.
This brings us to the second story of the night involving the friend I just talked about. From this story you'll see that he certainly lacks the gentleman code. Now throughout the night a lot of people kept bothering us - sitting down at our table, crossing over to other tables by stepping on the white couches leaving black footprints which in itself is inconsiderate and rude. And so each time this happened my friend became a little bit more angry at people's behaviour. Then at one point three girls tried to cross through the table (climbing over the couches) to the dance floor. My friend released his built-up anger on these three drunk girls by pushing one of them so hard that she fell down on our couch. As soon as I saw this happen, I stepped in to help the girl up and explain to her that although it was disrespectful of her to just jump over the table - my friend had no right to use violence, ESPECIALLY on a girl. My friend clearly knew he over-reacted but that is just another part of acting respectfully - being patient and calm. These two stories precisely show the immense difference in the mindset guiding my behaviour and the mindset of my friend. The most important rule of all - never ever raise your hand at a woman.
In the last section I want to talk about some of the qualities that make up this 'gentleman' figure. I remember reading an article a few years ago in GQ about the desperate need of gentlemen in the modern world - it was actually that article that sparked my initial behavioural guide. Some of these points are taken from other articles on the subject:
1) Respect for oneself, respect for others, respect for tradition, respect for change. Style may be irrelevant but putting thought into your outfit implies a degree of self-respect.
2) When engaging in an activity, do it well as it is a reflection of yours values and capacity.
3) A gracious loser who knows that not all battles can be won and that losing can be honorable. However, a gentleman must not be scared to fight for something if it required. The gentleman faces a problem head-on but is not ashamed to ask for help if it is needed.
4) In regards to women, a gentleman will never use pick-up lines, will always be honest and complementary - a man will show genuine interest in a woman.
5) No man is above apologizing and no gentleman should gossip unless a story needs to retold.
6) “A man’s true character lies in how he treats someone who is of no consequence to him.” This quote really applies to my waiter situation - that manners and professionalism can be practiced at any level of any kind.
7) Lastly, the gentleman will usually be well-read, educated and culturally-open. The gentleman will not impose his beliefs on others but instead will listen, discuss and debate his point of view.
